Monday, April 22, 2013

Haleighanna's Hands: Making the Sausage

When you first start blogging, you do a lot of reading about how to write blogs. A couple of rules keep popping to the top. When you show the reader how to do something, you present a finished product with really great photos and clear, concise instructions. The other thing that you learn is not show how the sausage is made. A lot of people like sausage but no one wants to see how it is made. It's messy and probably pretty gross. The experts say that a blogger's audience doesn't want to see the struggle of creating. I would love to follow this advice, but I guess that's just not me.

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to be in an art showcase. Incredible right? Little 'ole me? Well here comes the emotional sausage making so if you are squeamish, you can duck out now. The process is messy and somewhat gross.

There's been a lot of emotional turmoil in getting ready. Anxiety started sitting on my shoulder, whispering things in my ear. It sat on my chest and made it difficult to breathe. It squiggled around in my brain so decision making was difficult. Then excitement and optimism would try to take hold, but anxiety is strong and crafty. As I said, it was turmoil.

Joan Baez said, "Action is the only antidote to despair." So irrespective of the anxiety, fear, and frustration, I got off my butt. I used the anxiety to create some cool stuff (I think it's cool anyway). I used the really bad energy to force myself into a new direction. As an artist, welder, or golfer, what you envision in your mind is not always something that your hands can do. Usually that fear alone is enough to keep me from my studio. But in this instance, I had to let it go. I cannot explain why this situation is different, but it was. By the way, I have a new appreciation for the contestants on Project Runway; I think I get it now. There are times you have to make it work.

So, the show is about 48 hours away. I have one more piece to finish, a car to pack, an outfit to pick out, and probably a thousand things that I have forgotten to do. But, while it is emotionally messy and feels like a huge risk to take in public, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't miss this for the world.

What have you done recently that seemed like a risk?


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